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Stay Free Alberta Celebrates Historic Petition, Thanks ‘Everyone on That List We Found

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A solemn trailer of democracy, packed tightly with cardboard boxes and loose interpretations of consent, arrived at Elections Alberta Monday, bearing over 301,000 signatures demanding Alberta consider leaving Canada, or at least threatening to.

Organizers from Stay Free Alberta celebrated the milestone alongside a convoy of pickup trucks and gently weeping tailgates, insisting the number represents “the will of the people,” or at minimum, a strong familiarity with cursive.

Skeptics, however, note the uncanny neatness of the signatures, some reportedly matching entries from the recently leaked Alberta electoral list, raising the possibility that democracy may have been conducted via copy-paste.

Leader Mitch Sylvestre urged Premier Danielle Smith to act, while legal challenges and treaty concerns politely wait their turn in the void.

Meanwhile, a competing “Forever Canadian” petition quietly amassed even more verified signatures, proving that nothing unites Albertans quite like passionately disagreeing about absolutely everything.

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