Danielle Smith vows to find person responsible for making Danielle Smith unpopular with conservatives

Danielle Smith’s office blamed the UCP’s Calgary-Shaw byelection defeat on “vote splitting” Tuesday, confirming democracy works much better when voters understand which choices are decorative.

NDP candidate Kyle Campbell defeated the UCP’s Mike Derry by 582 votes in a riding conservatives have held so reliably that losing it previously required accidentally electing Rachel Notley.

The UCP noted Progressive Tory candidate Kyle Joseph received 978 votes, meaning Derry would have comfortably won if everyone who disliked the UCP had simply voted UCP.

Former premier Jason Kenney blamed Smith’s separatism referendum, while other conservatives blamed her habit of feeding Alberta’s angriest voters increasingly radioactive bullshit and then acting surprised when they demand seconds.

Smith rejected those explanations, insisting conservative unity remains essential.

At press time, the premier was reportedly searching for whoever has spent the last four years making Danielle Smith deeply unpopular with people who vote conservative.

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