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Danielle Smith Confirms Alberta Will Risk Economy To Win Argument In Facebook Comments Section

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APremier Danielle Smith confirmed Thursday that Alberta will move forward with a referendum on whether the province should begin the legal process of maybe someday eventually considering asking itself if it wants to leave Canada, creating what constitutional experts are calling “the political equivalent of a guy soaking his living room in gasoline while insisting he’s simply encouraging an open dialogue about fire.”

Smith defended the plan by arguing that hundreds of thousands of Albertans deserve to have their voices heard, much like how a family facing three men with flamethrowers deserves to host a respectful kitchen-table debate about whether the house has become “too federally dependent.”

“Democracy means listening to all sides,” Smith said, while barricading herself behind increasingly frantic statistics and the faint sound of separatists revving pickup trucks outside her office.

Business leaders warned the referendum could devastate investment confidence, though Alberta officials reassured them the province’s economy was already being managed with the same strategic foresight as a raccoon trying to microwave fireworks.



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