Danielle Smith Achieves Historic Bipartisan Agreement That Danielle Smith Is Making Things Worse
Premier Danielle Smith confirmed Tuesday that her handling of Alberta separatism has successfully united nearly the entire province in a shared desire to throw her directly into the Athabasca River, according to new polling showing most Albertans think she has managed the issue “poorly.”
The poll found Smith is now being attacked from both sides: moderates furious she keeps waving lit matches around the constitutional equivalent of a gas leak, and hardcore separatists enraged that she still hasn’t declared martial law at a Canadian Tire and renamed Calgary “New Texas.”
Political analysts described the situation as “the rare premieral strategy of driving a bus into a ditch while passengers argue whether it should have exploded sooner.”
Even loyal UCP voters appear exhausted after months of Smith insisting Alberta must hold a respectful public conversation about national divorce, as if the province were a couple drunkenly discussing “opening the relationship” while the house actively burns behind them.
At press time, Smith reassured Albertans she remains committed to lowering tensions by continuing to talk about separation literally every single day.
SHARE ON:
