Trump Renames Lake Ontario “Lake America” As Cost Of Living Stubbornly Refuses To Be Distracted
Donald Trump renamed Lake Ontario “Lake America” Thursday after learning Canada remains legally permitted to make decisions without first checking with him.
The executive order follows months of tariffs, threats and demands that Ottawa show greater gratitude for American military protection, successfully transforming the world’s easiest bilateral relationship into a protection racket run by a condo-board president.
Trump insisted Canada has been “taking advantage” of America through unfair practices including trade, sovereignty and occasionally saying no.
Ottawa confirmed Canadians will continue calling it Lake Ontario, largely because executive orders remain surprisingly ineffective once they encounter an international border.
The White House nevertheless declared victory.
“President Trump promised to lower grocery prices, bring back manufacturing and make Americans richer,” said an official.
“Obviously none of that fits on a map. So we’re doing lakes.”
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