Alberta Separatists Demand Freedom From Canada So They Can Finally Be Completely Dependent On United States
Alberta separatists celebrated the province’s 121st birthday Saturday by gathering outside the legislature to demand independence from the country currently providing their currency, military, borders and favourite thing to complain about.
The rally featured Alberta flags, Shania Twain and several hundred people confidently explaining how international trade works after reading half a Facebook post.
Premier Danielle Smith welcomed the “conversation” she has spent years carefully feeding, watering and insisting absolutely does not live in her house.
Separatists say independence would finally allow Alberta to negotiate directly with Donald Trump, replacing the unbearable tyranny of Ottawa with the exciting freedom of discovering what “51st state” means.
Smith insisted Alberta deserves more respect from Canada while separatists demanded divorce entirely, leaving the premier in her traditional position: riding the tiger, blaming Ottawa for the teeth, and acting shocked that eventually it wants lunch.
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