Separatists Boycott Canada Day, Accidentally Create Most Pleasant National Holiday Alberta Has Seen in Decades
Alberta’s Canada Day celebrations were widely declared the calmest in recent memory after thousands of separatists honored online calls to boycott festivities by remaining at home with their families.
Municipal officials reported a dramatic decline in flag-related screaming matches, spontaneous constitutional law lectures, and middle-aged men explaining why every historical event since Confederation personally victimized them.
“Turns out asking everyone most likely to start an argument to voluntarily skip the party was an incredible public safety strategy,” said one organizer while watching children enjoy fireworks uninterrupted.
Separatist groups hailed the empty lawns as proof of their growing movement, while everyone else quietly enjoyed the first Canada Day in years where nobody demanded a stranger explain equalization payments before they could reach the food trucks.
Police later confirmed the biggest disturbance of the day was a goose.
Happy Canada Day from all of us here at BSN
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