FIFA Praises U.S.A. For Successfully Securing Border Against Dangerous Threat Of Soccer
Federal officials are celebrating what they describe as a major security success after preventing dozens of footballers, referees, coaches, and fans from infiltrating a tournament specifically designed for international visitors.
“We take border security seriously,” said one official. “That’s why we’ve worked tirelessly to stop suspicious foreign nationals carrying passports, luggage, and in some cases, FIFA accreditation.”
Authorities spent nearly seven hours questioning Iraqi striker Aymen Hussein, delayed Swiss player Breel Embolo, denied entry to Africa’s top referee, and ensured members of Iran’s delegation experienced the full American immigration system before being denied the opportunity to enjoy any of America.
Scottish supporters reported having travel authorizations revoked days before departure, while other fans discovered that booking flights and hotels was merely the opening round of a much larger game.
FIFA praised the arrangements, noting that the tournament’s official slogan, “The World Is Welcome Here,” now includes an invisible asterisk approximately the size of Texas.
At press time, U.S. officials announced plans to host the next Olympics entirely through background checks.
SHARE ON:
