In a statement that raised eyebrows from Nanaimo to Nunavut, Alberta Premier Danielle Smith declared that Albertans are “more eager than ever” to pack up their cowboy hats and secede from Canada. Smith cited “widespread frustration” with Ottawa, carbon taxes, and-presumably-the lack of a provincial Netflix.
“Albertans are ready to chart their own course,” Smith said, prompting the rest of Canada to quietly Google “What happens if Alberta leaves?” before returning to brunch.
Critics were quick to point out that previous secession chatter has often fizzled out after encountering, well, math. “You can’t run a country on beef and bitumen alone,” one political analyst noted dryly.
Meanwhile, Saskatchewan reportedly texted Alberta: “You up? 👀” sparking fears of a Prairie breakaway bloc-tentatively dubbed “Saskberta”-that would help finally answer the question: how many pickup trucks does it take to run a nation?
