Alberta Separatists Shocked To Learn Countries Cost More Than Flags
Leaders of Alberta’s independence movement reassured concerned residents this week that Premier Danielle Smith’s estimate of nearly $400 billion in separation costs is wildly exaggerated, citing a far more reliable source: a strong feeling that everything will probably work out.
“Danielle keeps talking about pensions, borders, trade agreements, national debt, banking regulations, military commitments, postal service, telecommunications and all these boring details,” said Alberta Prosperity Project lawyer Jeffrey Rath. “But have you considered that freedom is priceless?”
The separatist group’s financial plan predicts Alberta will simultaneously eliminate federal income tax, scrap the GST, spend less money, collect more money, receive a giant pension transfer, enjoy better trade deals, and somehow emerge with tens of billions in annual surpluses.
Economists have described the proposal as “a fiscal fantasy,” while supporters insist economists are unfairly focused on concepts like arithmetic.
At press time, independence advocates had unveiled Phase Two of their economic strategy: finding a couch cushion large enough to contain $400 billion in loose change.
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