Alberta Separatists Dismiss Economic Forecast, Insist GDP Is Just Another Federal Liberal Acronym

A new report released Wednesday warns Alberta leaving Canada could shrink the provincial economy by $62 billion annually and eliminate 175,000 jobs, prompting separatists to accuse economists of spreading dangerous facts.

The report, which compares Alberta independence to Brexit, predicts higher trade costs, tariffs, and years of economic uncertainty. Separatist leaders dismissed the findings, insisting Alberta’s real future lies in becoming America’s favourite gas station with its own passport line.

Critics called the study political advocacy, arguing experts have an unfair bias toward concepts like arithmetic and historical precedent.

Meanwhile, the Alberta government has commissioned its own report, expected to conclude that economic collapse is impossible so long as nobody uses negative numbers.

At press time, supporters of separation were assuring nervous investors that if Brexit taught the world anything, it’s that making your economy dramatically more complicated is almost always worth owning the libs.

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