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Alberta Separation Petition allowed To Advance To Exciting New Stage Of Going Absolutely Nowhere

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Alberta’s independence movement celebrated another major legal victory this week after the Court of Appeal ruled its separation petition may continue being counted, but not in any way that could actually lead to separation.

The court allowed Elections Alberta to publicly announce how many signatures the petition gathered, while forbidding anyone from doing anything useful with that information, creating what constitutional experts describe as “the most Alberta compromise imaginable.”

Supporters called the ruling proof that independence remains alive, while critics noted it remains legally trapped behind consultation requirements, constitutional law, and the inconvenient existence of Canada.

At press time, separatists announced the next phase of the campaign would involve declaring victory based entirely on paperwork that is legally prohibited from accomplishing the thing it was created to accomplish.



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