Alberta Government Assures Public Data Breach Only A Problem If You Value Privacy Or Safety
In a bold commitment to transparency, Elections Alberta announced that the complete personal details of nearly every voter may have been “inappropriately used,” which is bureaucratic for “hope you enjoy identity theft with your civic duty.”
The List of Electors, featuring names, addresses, phone numbers, and a handy unique identifier for when “John Smith” just isn’t specific enough, has apparently been making the rounds, finally achieving the kind of circulation most candidates can only dream of.
Officials emphasized the situation is “under review,” meaning somewhere a committee is bravely opening emails titled “URGENT: catastrophic privacy breach” and replying “Thanks, noted.”
Albertans are reassured there is no evidence of widespread harm, aside from the small matter of their entire existence being neatly packaged and possibly shared like a Costco sample tray of democracy.
At press time, officials confirmed new security measures are being considered, including putting the database in a folder labeled “Do Not Misuse (Serious This Time).”
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