In a bold move to “cut red tape” and possibly several other essential safety nets, the Alberta government announced Monday it will dramatically relax regulations for personal identification, international professional accreditation, tourism operations, and even hunting permits. Premierial officials said the changes will “boost efficiency,” which critics interpreted as “make chaos run faster.”
Under the new rules, residents may confirm their identity using “any two of: a vibes-based description, a firm handshake, or a sworn statement from someone who looks trustworthy.” International professionals may now work in Alberta if they’ve “seen at least one YouTube tutorial” related to their field.
Tourism operators can self-certify their attractions as “probably safe,” while hunters will receive licenses simply by promising not to “shoot anything important.”
The government hailed the reforms as a victory for freedom; everyone else began quietly Googling escape routes.
