The United States government has officially shut down, proving that America’s most reliable export remains dysfunctional. With lawmakers unable to pass a budget, federal employees are now playing the nation’s fastest-growing new game show: Furloughed or Fired? Millions wait to find out if their “non-essential” status translates to “good luck paying rent.”
National parks have already shuttered, though raccoons are reportedly filing for squatters’ rights. Air traffic controllers are considering a new motto: “We’ll land your plane, but maybe not today.” Meanwhile, members of Congress continue to collect paychecks, presumably for the strenuous work of yelling on TV about why it’s everyone else’s fault.
Economists warn that prolonged shutdown could tank markets, disrupt services, and cause widespread chaos. Lawmakers counter that chaos is the only thing running on schedule. With no resolution in sight, Americans can rest easy knowing their government is firmly committed to doing absolutely nothing, together.
