The U.S. Treasury Department confirmed Monday that the national debt has reached a record-smashing $37 trillion, a sum so large that economists now measure it in “the entire planet’s worth of GDP.” Officials reassured the public that, technically, everything is fine, because numbers that big stop being real after about $15 trillion.
Treasury staff reportedly debated whether to announce the milestone or just quietly add another zero to the spreadsheet and hope no one noticed. “It’s like owing your bookie more money than exists on Earth,” one senior analyst said. “At some point, the debt collectors would need to start repo-ing abstract concepts, like freedom.”
Politicians quickly seized on the figure to blame each other for fiscal mismanagement, while quietly agreeing to borrow more by next week. The American public, meanwhile, celebrated the milestone by swiping credit cards for Starbucks drinks that already cost as much as a Treasury bond.
