Trump Takes Over Kennedy Center, Announces All-White, MAGA-Hat-Wearing Hamilton
In a stunning twist for the performing arts world, Donald Trump has taken creative control of the Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts, vowing to rid Broadway of “woke nonsense” and inject it with “patriotism, greatness, and traditional values.” His flagship production? An all-white, MAGA-hat-clad version of Hamilton, reimagined without hip-hop, diversity, or historical accuracy.
“We’re doing Hamilton the right way,” Trump declared. “No rapping, no minorities. Just the Founding Fathers — like they were in real life — but even better-looking and more Trump-adjacent.”
Directed by Steve Bannon and choreographed by Kid Rock, the musical replaces songs like “My Shot” with “My Glock” and reframes the American Revolution as a battle against cancel culture and high taxes. The production is part of a broader “Make Broadway Great Again” season that includes “The Sound of Freedom” (a reworked Sound of Music), “Westchester Story”, and “They are eaten the Cats”.
Non-white performers have been reassigned to “invisible roles” in what Trump calls a push for “Reverse-Colorblind Authenticity.” Critics have condemned the move as cultural erasure, while Trump brushed them off as “failing liberal actors” who “never even appeared in Home Alone 2.”
Plans are underway for a reboot of Rent, rebranded as “Own”, focused on tax resistance and pandemic protests.
Broadway may never be the same — or so Trump hopes.
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