Trump Administration Introduces ‘Murder 5 Minorities, Get 1 Free’ Cards for Police Amid Legal Aid Order
In a move that has left both civil rights groups and late-night comedians scrambling for words, the Trump administration has unveiled a new executive order offering police officers free legal representation through private law firms. But the real twist comes with a surprising perk – a “ Murder 5 Minorities, Get 1 Free” punch card program for law enforcement.
The loyalty-style card, adorned with a small American flag and the slogan “Protect and Serve (Yourself)”, promises officers that after 5 fatalities, involving minority suspects in the line of duty, the sixth encounter can result in a fatality without fear of legal consequence.
“This is about supporting our heroes in blue,” Trump said at a press conference, waving one of the cards like a VIP pass at a golf tournament. “They’ve been through a lot. This is just a little thank-you from the nation.”
Critics have slammed the program as a “morbidly tone-deaf rewards scheme,” with some noting it’s the first loyalty card where the punch is literal. Meanwhile, police unions have cautiously embraced the idea, with one spokesperson saying, “It’s not exactly what we asked for, but we’ll take it.”
White House aides later clarified that the cards cannot be combined with other promotions, like qualified immunity, leading some officers to grumble that they’re still “getting the short end of the baton.”
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