The Unwanted Crown Jewel. Alberta Crowned Measles Capital of Western Canada
In a stunning return to the 19th century, Alberta has proudly (read: accidentally) claimed the top spot for measles cases in Western Canada. With 710 confirmed cases and counting, Alberta has outpaced its provincial siblings in the viral equivalent of a Darwin Awards ceremony.
Health experts are calling the outbreak “entirely preventable,” a phrase now synonymous with “Alberta problem.” Measles, a disease previously stomped out by something called “vaccines,” has found a new lease on life thanks to plummeting immunization rates and a growing population of Facebook medical professionals.
Some regions, like High Level, boast vaccination rates so low (10.5%) they might as well be inviting measles in for tea and bannock. In Two Hills, the virus was spotted partying in Tim Hortons and Costco, because of course it was. If anything could symbolize Alberta’s current approach to public health, it’s a contagious virus shopping in bulk.
The UCP, the current Alberta Government, has since launched a vaccine awareness campaign and even opened a hotline—presumably for those seeking reassurance that injecting themselves with life-saving science won’t turn them into 5G antennas.
“We’re doing everything we can,” said Health Minister Adriana LaGrange, while standing next to a burning dumpster labeled “herd immunity.”
As measles spreads faster than conspiracy theories at a rodeo, Alberta serves as a cautionary tale: if you ignore science long enough, it doesn’t go away—it just comes back in a spotted rash of regret.
SHARE ON:
