Supreme Court Reminds Trump Laws Still Apply, Shockingly Concerned He Might Forget
In a development that surprised exactly no one and alarmed everyone else, the U.S. Supreme Court issued what analysts are calling a “gentle legal Post-it Note” to Donald Trump, reminding the former president that, yes, even he must obey the law. The court’s unsigned opinion, which reads like a passive-aggressive parent texting their teenager at 2 a.m., emphasized that “no individual is above the law”, a statement clearly aimed at the one guy who keeps forgetting that.
The Court’s subtle panic stems from Trump’s increasingly creative interpretations of legal immunity. In recent weeks, Trump suggested he could not be prosecuted for anything he did while president, including (but not limited to) inciting insurrections, burying classified documents in Mar-a-Lago like Easter eggs, and possibly jaywalking.
Legal scholars noted the Supreme Court’s tone was somewhere between “measured concern” and “existential dread.” Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson reportedly muttered, “We’re so screwed,” into her sleeve during oral arguments.
Trump responded on Truth Social, saying the justices were “fake judges” and suggesting he might appoint “better ones” once he’s “president for life, probably.”
Meanwhile, America clutched its Constitution tightly, like a security blanket, whispering, “It’s fine. Everything’s fine.”
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