In a stunning act of judicial déjà vu, the U.S. Supreme Court announced Monday that it will not reconsider its 2015 decision legalizing same-sex marriage, apparently because it already did that ten years ago and, quote, “has other culture wars to attend to.”
The appeal, filed by a coalition calling itself “Straight Rights Forever,” argued that marriage equality had “gone too far,” citing evidence that their barber now casually mentions his husband. In response, the Court issued a terse statement reading simply: “No.”
Justice Alito reportedly sighed audibly during the internal debate, while Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson was seen doodling rainbows in the margins of her notes. Legal analysts described the decision as “a rare moment of consistency,” and noted that public reaction was largely muted, except for one Texas man who vowed to “get divorced out of protest,” only to realize that was the gayest thing he’d ever done.
