In a CNN interview that left viewers questioning both reality and their civics education, White House Deputy Chief of Staff Stephen Miller solemnly announced that President Donald Trump possesses “plenary authority.” Miller did not specify what that meant, though his tone implied something between divine right and ownership of all Waffle Houses.
Constitutional scholars immediately began hyperventilating into paper bags, noting that “plenary authority” doesn’t actually exist outside of Miller’s imagination, or possibly a Game of Thrones fan forum.
When pressed for clarification, Miller stared into the camera for eleven seconds before whispering, “All authority,” as studio lights flickered ominously.
Sources say the National Guard in Oregon declined to comment, citing confusion over whether they now report to the Pentagon, the President, or Miller’s shadow.
One aide described the moment succinctly: “It’s like watching someone try to summon the Constitution by chanting at it.”
