In a bold move to make airports “only marginally unbearable,” the Federal Aviation Administration announced Wednesday it will reduce flight capacity by 10% at 40 major U.S. airports. The decision, officials say, will “cut thousands of flights per day” – and hopefully the number of airborne fistfights in half.
FAA Administrator Bryan Bedford assured travelers that the move is not due to incompetence but “a strategic attempt to give air traffic controllers a break before they unionize with the baggage handlers.” Transportation Secretary Sean Duffy added that fewer flights will mean “shorter lines at Starbucks, longer naps at the gate, and more time to reflect on your life choices.”
The new restrictions take effect Friday morning, though sources report most travelers are already preparing by arriving at airports three days early – just to be safe.
