Republicans Propose Amendment Letting ICE Deport U.S. Citizens, Because, Why Not?
In a move that shocked legal scholars, delighted conspiracy theorists, and briefly confused ICE agents nationwide, House Republicans introduced an amendment this week that would grant Immigration and Customs Enforcement the authority to deport U.S. citizens. Yes, citizens. As in, people who were born here, raised here, pay taxes here, and thought the Constitution was still a thing.
The amendment, entitled the “True Patriot Purge Act,” was reportedly intended to address what one congressman described as “the national crisis of too many Americans disagreeing with us.” When pressed for clarification, he added, “Look, some of these folks just feel illegal.”
Opponents quickly condemned the measure as unconstitutional, authoritarian, and also “completely bonkers.” ACLU attorneys issued a statement reminding Congress that ICE’s mission is immigration enforcement, not exiling people to the void. “This isn’t Survivor,” the statement read. “You can’t just vote people off the country.”
Despite bipartisan laughter (and some nervous sweating), the amendment made it to the House floor before being quietly shelved—reportedly after someone finally read the 14th Amendment. One Republican aide defended the proposal, saying, “We’re not saying all citizens, just the bad ones. You know. The loud ones. With opinions.”
ICE, when asked for comment, replied, “We didn’t ask for this. We literally don’t have the budget to start deporting soccer moms from Cleveland.”
The American public can rest easy—for now. But keep your passport handy. Just in case democracy gets really experimental.
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