The “Alberta Forever Canada” petition – a bold effort to ensure Alberta remains part of Canada, just in case anyone was planning to ask otherwise – has reportedly gathered nearly 80% of the signatures needed to become officially hilarious.
Organizer Dale McCracken says the initiative is a “preemptive measure” against the province’s “chronic independence mood swings.” “We figured we’d get ahead of the next sovereignty movement by legally binding ourselves to the rest of the country – forever,” McCracken explained, polishing a maple leaf lapel pin with suspicious vigor.
Critics have called the petition “emotionally needy” and “the clingiest political gesture since Alberta’s last referendum.” Still, the campaign is gaining traction. “It’s like getting a tattoo of your ex’s name,” said one supporter. “But in this case, the ex is Ottawa.”
If successful, Alberta Forever Canada would ensure that separation talks never again leave the group chat.
