In a move that critics say perfectly captures Alberta’s priorities, the government announced Tuesday it will pay parents $150 a week if teachers walk off the job. The measure, officials explained, is designed to help families “cope” with the sudden burden of supervising their own children – a task teachers normally perform for a salary that is not $150 a week.
“Parents deserve compensation for lost productivity,” said one government spokesperson, apparently unaware that teachers also have productivity, often in the form of actual children learning things.
Economists noted the plan could cost millions, which coincidentally is what teachers have been asking for in improved contracts. Instead, that money will now fund Lego sets, video game credits, and possibly noise-cancelling headphones for desperate parents.
Teachers’ unions responded dryly: “Interesting strategy. Next time doctors strike, maybe they’ll just mail out Band-Aids.”
