Alberta’s Ministry of Education announced today that George Orwell’s 1984 will be removed from all school libraries, citing the novel’s “dangerous levels of relevance.” Officials claim students were becoming “confused” after drawing comparisons between Big Brother and recent provincial policies.
“We can’t have young minds thinking constant surveillance, censorship, and truth manipulation are bad,” said a spokesperson, eyes twitching toward the hidden camera in the ceiling.
Teachers report that students were asking too many questions about concepts like “doublethink” and “memory holes,” instead of focusing on more appropriate curriculum, like job-ready welding skills and provincial hymn rehearsal.
Parents are divided. “It’s just a book,” said one mother, before being corrected mid-sentence by a nearby monitor. “I mean, it was just a book. It never existed.”
1984 will be replaced with a new government-approved title: Alberta 2025: Freedom is Obedience.
