“Nobody wants to play with you” Pierre Poilievre told to stay home
In a heart-wrenching moment that stunned the Conservative sandbox Tuesday morning, Pierre Poilievre was told by his longtime riding Carleton that he could not go outside to play — not now, and maybe not ever again. Eyewitnesses say Poilievre, who had been spotted clutching a shiny new “Common Sense” action figure and wearing his “I fight for the people!” cape, was halfway out the door when the election intercepted him.
“Nobody wants to play with you right now, Pierre,” the people of Carleton said firmly, gently nudging the Opposition leader back inside. “You’ve been yelling about Carbon Taxes for months. Everyone is tired; even the Libertarians are hiding.”
Sources close to the situation say Poilievre protested, insisting he was going to “rescue democracy from the clutches of the evil elite” and “tear down the swing set of socialism.” Causing many eye rolls and groans.
Back inside, Poilievre was reportedly sulking in his room, furiously scribbling an op-ed titled “Why Being Unpopular Is a Sign of Strength (And Also Probably Trudeau’s Fault).” Meanwhile, constituents of Carleton have put him on a strict diet of humility and occasional fact-checks. Sources say Carleton may consider electing him again — if he promises to use his inside voice and stops calling the neighborhood moms “Marxists.”
When asked for comment, Poilievre offered a press conference via sock puppet. Asked whether this incident would hurt Poilievre’s polling numbers, one Conservative strategist shrugged: “Actually, it’s kind of on brand.”`
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