An estimated seven million Americans took to the streets Saturday under the banner “No Kings,” protesting what they called President Trump’s “authoritarian cosplay.” The demonstrations, stretching from New York to Los Angeles, featured papier-mâché crowns, inflatable thrones, and at least three brass bands performing ironic renditions of “Hail to the Chief.”
In Washington, protesters turned the National Mall into a “democracy tailgate,” complete with food trucks, disco balls, and a man dressed as George Washington breakdancing atop the steps of the Lincoln Memorial. Police reported “unprecedented good vibes,” though several attendees were treated for dehydration and overexposure to irony.
White House spokespeople dismissed the events as “a coordinated tantrum,” insisting the President “has no interest in monarchy, just total obedience.” Meanwhile, protest organizers announced plans for an encore, “No Dukes, No Barons”, should Trump’s next executive order come with a royal seal.
