Like students cramming for an exam they’ve already failed, both Liberals and Conservatives rolled out their fall priorities this week ahead of Parliament’s return.
The Liberals promised to “stay focused” on affordability, housing, and “not looking too desperate,” while Conservatives vowed to “fix everything with slogans and angry hand gestures.” Each side accused the other of ruining Canada, though both sides quietly admitted the country was already halfway there on its own.
Political analysts described the priorities as “remarkably similar to last year’s priorities, just with more exclamation marks.” One pollster noted that most Canadians were less interested in the fall agenda than in whether their furnace will survive another winter without a second mortgage.
The House of Commons resumes Monday, where MPs will once again debate how to rearrange deck chairs on a nation-sized Titanic.
