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ICE Debuts Spring Surveillance Collection: Ankle Monitors Now in “Desperation Gray” | Breakfast Scotch NationalSkip to content
In a bold move to make dystopia look like a Fitbit ad, ICE is reportedly planning to slap ankle monitors on over 180,000 immigrants. The devices, which resemble high-tech house arrest bracelets, will allow agents to track people who committed the grave offense of… seeking a better life.
Officials say the monitors are part of the “Alternatives to Detention” program, a title that’s only slightly more comforting than “Digital Leash Initiative.” The GPS-enabled shackles will monitor movement, behavior, and probably your hopes and dreams, too.
ICE claims this is a “humane” solution, because nothing says compassion like treating asylum seekers like parolees on a prison break. The ankle monitors are expected to cost taxpayers millions, but don’t worry: that money could’ve gone to schools or healthcare.
Coming soon: The ICE Wellness App. Track your steps, your location, and your freedom, all in real time.
