In a move that surprised exactly no one, former Prime Minister Stephen Harper has resurfaced to announce that he’s been whispering economic bedtime stories into the ears of Mark Carney’s government. Harper claims he advised them to “move away from the U.S.,” a recommendation as timely as warning someone not to buy stock in Blockbuster.
According to insiders, Harper framed the advice as sage counsel from a man who once sold Canada’s economic soul for a fist bump with Wall Street. “It’s important to diversify,” Harper allegedly said, “just like I diversified my career into international boardrooms nobody cares about.”
Critics note the irony: Harper spent nearly a decade chaining Canada’s fate to U.S. fortunes, only to now reinvent himself as the prophet of independence. Carney reportedly thanked him politely before moving on, proving the best way to handle Harper is the same as with an old pop-up ad, just click “ignore.”
