According to a new city report released Tuesday, Edmonton’s traffic has entered what officials are calling “the Fast & The Furious But With Worse Acting” phase, following provincial restrictions on photo radar.
Since the changes, speeding is up, collisions are up, and residents’ collective sense of invincibility has reportedly “quadrupled overnight.” One motorist interviewed at a yellow light, seconds before treating it as a suggestion, said the absence of camera vans made him feel “free, like a majestic elk fleeing responsibility.”
The province maintains the restrictions reduce “cash grabs,” a phrase repeated 37 times in a single press conference. Meanwhile, the city says the data suggests the only thing being grabbed now is guardrails.
Officials are considering solutions, including education campaigns, more flashing signs, and politely asking drivers to “please chill.” Early results suggest no one is chilling.
