Danielle Smith Insists New Electoral Map Only Looks Suspicious If You Understand Shapes

In what officials are calling a “perfectly normal exercise in democracy, provided you squint hard enough,” Danielle Smith’s government is facing accusations that Alberta’s electoral map is being redrawn with the precision of a toddler rearranging pizza toppings for maximum personal gain. 

A new report from the Electoral Boundaries Commission recommends adding seats in Edmonton and Calgary while trimming rural influence, an approach critics say reflects population realities. A competing minority report, backed by government-appointed members, proposes a bold alternative: districts that appear to have been designed by shaking a map until it cried. 

Opposition leader Naheed Nenshi described the plan as “nuts,” noting Lethbridge could be sliced into four ridings like a democracy-themed pizza where no one actually gets a full piece. Commission chair Dallas Miller warned the minority proposal risks eroding public trust, or at minimum, replacing it with a vague sense of existential dread. 

The government says it is still reviewing the recommendations, presumably with a ruler, a crayon, and a deep respect for coincidence.

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