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Carney Vows to “Defend CBC,” Refuses to Explain How | Breakfast Scotch NationalSkip to content
In a press conference yesterday, former Bank of Canada governor and possible prime minister-in-waiting Mark Carney pledged to “defend the CBC at all costs” – before quickly declining to specify what those costs might be, or how exactly the defending would work.
“I have a plan,” Carney said, smiling the kind of smile normally reserved for people about to sell you a timeshare. “It’s… robust. That’s all you need to know.”
When pressed, Carney waved a hand and muttered something about “structural liquidity” and “leveraging synergies,” terms that have historically meant “we’re about to fire everyone.”
Political analysts speculate his strategy may involve a combination of moral support, interpretive dance, and quietly moving the CBC headquarters to a jurisdiction where nobody can find it.
For now, CBC staff remain cautiously optimistic, though several have begun practicing defensive crouches, just in case.
