In a heartwarming display of misplaced priorities, the federal government announced deep cuts to public television funding this week, just as it approved a shiny new budget increase for Immigration and Customs Enforcement. To fill the gap, PBS stations are auctioning off original Bob Ross paintings, which experts estimate could collectively fund about three minutes of an ICE staff meeting.
The auction, titled “Happy Little Bailout,” features Ross’s serene forests and mountain vistas, now repurposed to keep Sesame Street from becoming a gated community. “Bob always believed in turning mistakes into happy accidents,” said one PBS executive. “This one’s just… heavier on the accident.”
Meanwhile, ICE confirmed it will use its new funds to “enhance operational readiness,” which insiders say includes repainting detention center walls, perhaps in cheerful hues of “Prussian blue” and “Liquid White.” Ross would be proud, if he weren’t spinning gently in titanium white.
