In a twist that proves America truly never met a bad idea it didn’t want to recycle, the country’s largest ICE detention facility has opened on the grounds of a former World War II Japanese internment camp. Officials celebrated the ribbon-cutting with the same enthusiasm one might reserve for unveiling a new Walmart, boasting of the base’s “long tradition of housing inconvenient people behind fences.”
Historians noted the site’s “ironic continuity,” though ICE spokespeople prefer to call it “heritage branding.” One official assured reporters that “this time is different,” citing improved cafeteria lighting and optional English-language bingo nights.
Critics argue that America seems less interested in learning from its mistakes than in franchising them. Still, government contractors are already marketing the site as “proof you really can turn trauma into an industry.”
As one attendee dryly observed: “History doesn’t repeat itself—it just gets a federal grant.”