Alberta expects record voter turnout after finally putting “should we catastrophically fuck everything up?” on ballot
Elections Alberta expects a record-shattering 85% turnout for October’s referendum, after hundreds of thousands of Albertans discovered the UCP has finally provided a ballot option labelled “please make these fucking people stop.”
Nearly 290,000 voters have requested mail-in ballots, overwhelming a system apparently designed around the traditional Alberta election model of conservatives winning while everyone else considers moving to B.C.
Separatists celebrated the historic enthusiasm before being informed that other people are also allowed to vote.
The referendum asks Albertans whether they want a binding separation vote, allowing the UCP to spend millions determining whether Facebook commenters with truck avatars constitute a viable nation-state.
Supporters insist independence would liberate Alberta from Ottawa and its oppressive access to currency, trade agreements, national defence and international recognition.
UCP officials remain optimistic.
After all, nothing says grassroots democracy like spending public money to determine whether your loudest 15% should get custody of the province.
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