In a move analysts are calling “either bold constitutional innovation or a particularly spicy midlife crisis,” the Alberta government announced Monday it will restrict political party names to ensure they are “short, respectful, and preferably not describing the province’s exit strategy.”
Under the new rules, party names must contain fewer than three emotionally charged nouns, no barnyard metaphors, and absolutely no references to “independence,” “sovereignty,” or “that thing Quebec keeps threatening.”
Premier Danielle Smith insisted the changes are merely housekeeping and have “nothing whatsoever” to do with her government unveiling a freshly printed referendum ballot titled Should Alberta Cut Loose and See Other Countries?
Critics warn the name restrictions are designed to kneecap emerging pro-separation groups, including the “Wild Rose Buffalo Freedom Party” and the “Oil-Soaked Republic Movement.”
Smith dismissed concerns, saying Albertans will get a “fair, democratic, and tastefully branded” vote, just as soon as the province finishes deciding what to call the new Department of National-ish Defence.
