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Trump’s Annexation Plan Fails After Canada Refuses to Be Simplified

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In a rare display of restraint, Donald Trump has announced he will not be invading Canada, largely because, after careful consideration, it sounds like a lot of paperwork and several centuries of cultural stubbornness.

Speaking with royal biographer Robert Hardman, Trump reportedly weighed the logistics of annexing Canada as the mythical “51st state,” before concluding that 200 years of history, a national anthem, and an inconvenient attachment to the monarchy were simply too much to bulldoze before his next golf booking.

Confused but undeterred, Trump briefly questioned whether Canadians still recognize King Charles III as head of state, apparently unaware that Canada is not, in fact, a seasonal extension of Florida.

He also blamed the border on “some guy with a ruler,” suggesting it should have been drawn 50 miles north, presumably to make room for future branding opportunities.

For now, Canada remains uninvaded, its greatest defense being geography, politeness, and the administrative burden of becoming America.

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