State of the Union Declared ‘Double Good’ as Big Brother Upgrades to 4K

Beneath the marble gaze of Congress, Donald Trump delivered a State of the Union that felt less like a speech and more like a recalibration. The applause signs worked flawlessly. The teleprompter, unblinking, glowed with patriotic certainty.

The president was measured, almost serene. He praised American triumphs with ritual precision, elevating Olympic gold into civic scripture and anointing goaltender Connor Hellebuyck as the embodiment of national virtue, a guardian of the net, a sentinel of freedom, a man whose glove hand now symbolically shields the Republic itself. Medals were conferred. Cameras lingered. The crowd stood as one.

Then came the necessary shadows. Immigration was framed as siege, Democrats as enablers, and the homeland as a fortress requiring reinforcement. “We are not playing games,” Trump said, in the careful tone of someone announcing a curfew.

Officials later clarified that increased surveillance under Big Brother’s protective eyes is double good for the country and, therefore, the world. After all, we have always been at war with Eurasia.

---

---