In a rare moment of bipartisan unity, usually reserved for naming post offices or pretending not to know each other, the Senate voted unanimously Tuesday to release the Epstein files, punting the measure straight onto President Donald Trump’s desk like a hot, poorly redacted potato.
Trump, ever the multitasker, assured Truth Social followers he’d sign the bill just as soon as he finished listing his “Many Historic Victories,” a catalog that notably did not include transparency. “I don’t care when they vote,” he posted, adding that the real danger was Republicans losing focus on his tariffs, immigration rules, and whatever his budget is now.
The House, after months of heroic hesitation, finally approved the bill, minus Rep. Clay Higgins, who bravely voted no for reasons analysts are still trying to decode with advanced sonar. With Congress suddenly allergic to secrecy, the impending release has Washington bracing for impact, and booking therapy sessions in advance.
