Canada has officially lost its measles elimination status, and experts say Alberta deserves a “standing ovation, for all the wrong reasons.” Former Alberta chief medical officer Dr. Lorraine Fang said the province’s role in the setback was “embarrassing, but entirely consistent with our proud tradition of turning public health into a group project nobody finishes.”
After years of falling vaccination rates and “freedom-focused” messaging, Alberta has become the country’s go-to destination for both oil and preventable disease. “We’re bringing back the classics,” said one health official, noting a spike in measles cases among communities where “research” means a Facebook meme with 37 likes.
The federal government plans to reapply for elimination status once outbreaks subside, though one minister admitted privately, “We can’t fix stupid, but we can definitely hold a press conference about it.” Alberta officials declined to comment, citing “personal medical freedom and general disinterest.”
