In a rare bipartisan medical emergency, six former U.S. Surgeons General have released a joint statement urging Americans to “avoid prolonged exposure” to Robert F. Kennedy Jr., citing risks of confusion, dizziness, and sudden loss of faith in epidemiology.
The letter, written in the tone of a CDC advisory but with extra Tylenol, warns that “while small doses of Kennedy, such as sound bites or podcast appearances, may seem harmless, repeated contact can lead to full-blown conspiracy inflammation.”
Public health officials are reportedly working on a “vaccine” consisting of basic science education and media literacy, though trials have shown “mixed results on Facebook.”
Kennedy’s campaign responded by calling the statement “a symptom of institutional groupthink,” and suggested that the six doctors “check their mercury levels.” Experts say this confirms the diagnosis: chronic exposure to RFK Jr. causes everyone nearby to question reality.
