The Canadian government has once again reminded its citizens that visiting the United States is less a vacation and more a high-stakes survival game. In a travel advisory released Friday, Ottawa issued a fresh warning about one particular state, though officials declined to specify which one. “Honestly, pick one,” said a spokesperson. “It’s a roulette wheel of disaster down there.”
The advisory cited risks ranging from political rallies that turn into impromptu militias, to healthcare systems that demand a mortgage co-signer before treating a broken ankle. Canadians are encouraged to “exercise extreme caution, remain polite, and for the love of god, avoid asking about guns.”
In response, American tourism officials insisted their state remains “perfectly safe” while standing in front of a burning strip mall. Canadians, meanwhile, are quietly Googling flights to literally anywhere else.
