In a bold return to form, former President Donald Trump has threatened to block billions in federal funding from any state attempting to make broadband internet affordable to low-income residents.
“Free internet is socialism with a router,” Trump declared at a rally, flanked by malfunctioning teleprompters and a confused Mike Lindell. “If poor people can stream, they might start learning things. Dangerous things. Like facts.”
Trump’s plan, dubbed “Operation Buffering America Great Again,” would punish states that dare to bridge the digital divide. Florida and Texas have already signaled support, proposing instead to issue tax credits to billionaires for not using Wi-Fi.
Critics warn the move could hinder education, healthcare, and job access. Supporters argue it preserves the sacred American right to overpay Comcast.
Meanwhile, Mar-a-Lago guests were assured their gold-plated Wi-Fi remains “100% safe from woke bandwidth.”
