TSA Begs Americans to Stop Flashing Costco Cards Like They’re Real IDs
In a move that’s both desperate and depressingly necessary, the TSA issued a formal statement this week begging travelers to please, for the love of aviation security, stop trying to pass off their Costco membership cards as government-issued REAL IDs.
“We understand the photo quality is better than some driver’s licenses,” sighed TSA spokesperson Linda Fletch, “but unless you’re boarding a red-eye to Bulk Mayonnaise, it’s not going to cut it.”
The statement comes after a sharp uptick in travelers confidently presenting their shiny warehouse club credentials at airport security, sometimes accompanied by the phrase “it gets me discounts AND gets me through security.”
One man in Phoenix reportedly tried to argue that because he’s bought a 40-pack of toilet paper and a kayak at the same time, he’s “clearly a responsible citizen.”
The TSA is reminding travelers that beginning next year, REAL ID requirements will be enforced nationwide — and no, that doesn’t mean “Really Enjoys All-beef Links from aisle 7.”
Officials urge Americans to check with their DMV, not their freezer aisle, when preparing for air travel. Meanwhile, Costco remains silent, though sources say they’re considering a new slogan: “Access to bulk deals — not federal airspace.”
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