Donald Trump was reportedly seen frantically trying to shove stacks of Epstein-related documents into a Mar-a-Lago closet already crammed with golf trophies, Diet Coke cans, and unreturned classified folders. Witnesses say the former president muttered “No one cares, believe me, no one cares” while sweating profusely and asking if bleach works on hard drives.
Unfortunately for Trump, the world does care. Social media sleuths, journalists, and that one persistent Reddit user with way too much free time have all refused to let it go.
“This isn’t like my tax returns or the pee tape,” Trump complained. “This is different. Totally boring. Nobody’s talking about it except everyone.”
As hashtags like #EpsteinClientList and #OrangeHidesAgain trend globally, aides are now reportedly considering hiding Trump himself in the closet “until the heat dies down.”
So far, no word on whether there’s enough room next to Rudy Giuliani.
