Taco Bell Outbreak Gives White House Long-Awaited Opportunity To Blame Someone Else
As Taco Bell faces questions over a growing outbreak of a parasite infamous for causing “explosive diarrhea,” White House officials reportedly welcomed the development as “the first medically plausible alternative explanation” for years of uncomfortable speculation surrounding President Donald Trump’s appearance.
Sources say aides are urging Americans to avoid jumping to conclusions, insisting that any resemblance between the symptoms of cyclosporiasis and what critics have long joked about remains “purely coincidental, incredibly unfortunate, and potentially very helpful.”
“This administration follows the science,” one official said. “If science now provides another explanation for why the President occasionally appears to be negotiating with his own khakis, we’d ask the public to keep an open mind.”
Doctors stressed there is no evidence linking the President to the outbreak, adding that unlike political messaging, parasites generally require proof of infection before assigning blame. Meanwhile, Taco Bell reiterated that public health officials have not linked the chain to any specific source of contamination, while Washington continued demonstrating that, regardless of gastrointestinal status, the nation’s most renewable resource remains shameless spin.
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