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“Chilled me to the bone” incident at White House leaves some stunned

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To say the Trump tariffs are unpopular would be an understatement, and some are baffled by the choices of countries. Where targets like China, India, and several other major trade partners make sense to some, tariffs placed on Heard and McDonald Islands that have a  human population of zero and are mainly occupied by Penguins, leave others baffled. Well, it would seem, experts believe, there might be a reaction to the economic policies put in place by the President. In the early night hours on Wednesday, the secret service was alerted to the residency of the President of the United States that an intruder had broken into the White House, left a grizzly scene, in what appears to be a personal threat against Donald Trump.

“We heard a loud female scream, which at first we thought was the First Lady, but then remembered she won’t go near the President outside the paid photo ops,” detailed head of the President’s secret service Steven Jones during a press briefing that night, “When we arrived the President was cowering in the corner, clutching his sleep pearls, and just pointing at the bed screaming. The whole place smelled like fried chicken and fish.” 

The white house did release a statement from the President:

Tonight a vicious murder has occurred. Someone has broken into my personal bedroom, while I was on the toilet tweeting, and left a nasty note that, quite frankly, chilled me to the bone, demanding I pause the tariffs. I will announce my decision in the morning.

We contacted several countries that were on the tariff list, with most replying to BSN with platitudes of safety concerns for the current President, but one response did peak our interest here in the newsroom. The King of Heard Island, who included the same statements made by most countries, denouncing the event, but did go on to include in his response, “He knows what he did. It would be a shame if these tariffs weren’t lifted in the morning. If they ain’t gone it might mean there could be more visits like this. Who knows.”

BSN Update

Trump has announced that he will be pausing some, if not all, the tariffs on most countries for at least 90 days.



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